Yesterday, I held a mama in my arms for 45 minutes while she deeply grieved the loss of her newborn baby.
This is a mama we had the privilege of serving and loving during her pregnancy. She is beautiful, inside and out.
This was her first baby. She lost him in the hospital after a long time of laboring and finally an emergency c-section. Her baby was full term and healthy. Complications during labor and birth led to her son passing away within hours of arriving here.
The possibility that this complication may have been prevented runs through my mind, over and over as I catch her tears on my arm. What if something could’ve been different? I cried out to God for my sister.
I have been well acquainted with grief in my short life, but I really cannot imagine the pain she feels right now, as I have never lost a child. But I know so many women who have. I have heard it said you never quite get over that deep of a loss.
I could feel pieces of my heart breaking off as I held her, as I stroked her cheek & kissed her forehead, so deeply wishing my love could alleviate her pain. Pain that is so deep she could not even speak words.
But she could cry.
And I could hold her.
And as I held her, I prayed fervently that my arms would be His, that my words, as little as they were, would be His, that my love, however imperfect, would be His.
In those moments, I felt the heart of God pouring out of me. I felt His divine love for her racing through my arms and my kisses.
There are no easy solutions, as I so often am looking for in this life, just being with her, in her pain, in her sorrow, in her dark valley was what I could offer.
As I stilled my heart to be present with her, God gently reminded me that He knows the deep, searing pain of losing a child. That He feels her pain in ways I can’t even comprehend.
That He is the one that promises He will never leave her side, that NOTHING we go through in this life can take away His love.
Sometimes, I have to admit, it seems like that might not be true, when we are in the midst of our pain, our trials, our suffering.
But, then I am jostled out of that thinking when I am in a place like this, a place where I have the privilege of God bestowing His presence through my willingness to love.
I know His promise is true because I experience it through times like these, times when I can see and experience God’s love for another human being.
And, I believe that when I am going through my own trials and sufferings, I can bear in mind this truth, that He has NOT forsaken us.
That the pain of this life, come as the hurricane that it is, cannot and will not separate us from His love. Here in this life and in the next.
That is our Hope.
That is my sister’s hope. In the midst of darkness, the light of His presence boldly enters and sits with us, holds us, kisses our forehead, and catches our tears in his hands...because He Loves Us.