Today was my birthday. Yep. Turned 38. It was like any other birthday, taking inventory of my year, wondering if I feel any different....perhaps older, maybe a little slower, maybe clothes are fitting a little different.... but really, the questions I found myeself asking were more made of the substance of love than anything else. Who is loving me & who am I loving.
As the day came to a close, here's what I came to: I am so loved.... by so many wonderful people around me, my family and friends... they blow me away.
And all of that culminated in my deep understanding of how loved I am by God, my Father. Seriously. He tells me He is so in love with me. How can I be so lucky? How can it be true? The creator of this world, of our people, furiously longs for me. For my heart. I am so pursued. I am so wooed. He never leaves me alone.... constantly telling me how He loves me. Seriously. When I am at the deepest places of feeling so unworthy, He is there. When I am so desperately aware of my inadequacies, my failures of love, my selfishness, my unholiness, my disengagement of the gifts I have been given... the list can go on..... HE IS THERE. The other night, I laid in my bed crying..... over the fact that HE LOVES ME SO MUCH.
It's almost too much.
But, then I remember, His love is not based on who I am. It's based on who HE IS.... and my heart leaps. Suddenly, I am filled with sheer & utter joy because NOTHING is based on me. It's ALL on Him. And my Father is amazing. He is faithful & fierce in His pursuit of me. AND, I can give myself to Him, I DO give myself to Him, brokenness and all... and it is not only His love that prevails, but His plans and purposes. Thus, I can walk confidently into this next journey of our lives.
What would it change if we lived as if all of our lives pointed to only one thing...to know we are loved.
I don't pretend to be overly educated, nor do I think too highly of myself when it comes to philisophical discussions...but in my small world, I would venture to say that giving your life so that others might know they are loved may just be something worth living for. May the Grace of God's love walk with us into this new place we will call home and these new people we will call family.
Tanzania, here we come.